Valentine’s day is right around the corner, and romance is in the air. During this season of love, it can be difficult to decide what to get for that special someone. Some flowers? Too cliché. A card? Too cheap. A romantic dinner? Too expensive. The perfect romantic gesture must be simple yet profound, creative yet practical, priceless yet not breaking-the-bank. Luckily, there’s no shortage of romance in the animal kingdom, especially among invertebrates. Here are some last-minute gift ideas, courtesy of your bizarre, spineless friends:
1. Shoot them with a love dart
Nothing quite encapsulates love like shooting a calcareous spike into your partner. Well, maybe not for humans, but for garden snails, this is part of their mating ritual. Garden snails are hermaphroditic, meaning they possess both male and female organs. As such, a pair of snails can both become fertilized and have offspring. After a long, entangling, slimly dance, some snails (notably Cornu aspersum) will shoot a calcium carbonate (the same compound that makes a snail’s shell) spine, or “love dart,” at their partner. Often this dart will miss, as snails have poor eyesight and are somewhat preoccupied when they shoot. However, when the love dart hits the partner, mucus on the dart prompts the partner’s acceptance of more sperm (this mucus is referred to as an “allohormone,” “allo” meaning other). A successful hit with a love dart can double the number of potential offspring. With that said, love darts can injure or even kill the afflicted snail, so maybe a less risky choice would be…
2. Perform a traditional dance
Jumping spiders (family Salticidae) are among the cutest of the arachnids (narrowly beating out Theridion grallator, aka the Happy Face Spider). However, these big puppy-dog eyes are not enough to impress potential partners. As a result, jumping spiders evolved to perform an array of different dances. Often this involves waiving the 3rd pair of legs, and for some species, like Maratus volans (peacock spiders), lifting brightly decorated flaps attached to its abdomen. Each species’ dance is different and varies in complexity. Some of the dance moves performed are the pedipalp flicker, the 3rd leg wave, the opisthosomal (i.e. abdomen) bob, and the fan flap (the “steps” for these dances can be found here). For peacock spiders (Maratus spp.), dances are often accompanied by vibration signals sent through the ground. These vibrations are referred to as rumble-rumps, crunch-rolls, and grind-revs, with the latter two only occurring right before mating. Now, dancing and rumble-rumps are not for everyone, so if that is the case for your partner, maybe you can…
3. Give them a balloon
Who doesn’t love balloons? Flies in the family Empididae, otherwise known as the dance fly or balloon fly, create a silk balloon to impress their mate. These balloons, referred to as nuptial gifts, were originally evolved to hold a delicious insect snack for the female. However, for some balloon flies in the genus Hilara, these balloons are completely empty. Through evolution, males started skipping out on catching the prey, and instead just wove a balloon. Weirdly enough, females don’t prefer larger balloons over others (which should be the case if the females think there’s food inside). Instead, females tend to go for bigger males with intermediate-sized balloons. The reasons for this preference are unclear and lack any simple explanation. Maybe female balloon flies just prefer partners that aren’t overly flashy. However, if you’re partner is expecting more than just a balloon, you could always…
4. Give them a balloon fly
Why bother with just a balloon when you can bring the whole fly? Male nursey-web spiders (family Pisauridae), as well as many other species, will bring a nicely wrapped snack to their potential mate. Not only is this a kind gesture, but often it is necessary for survival. Larger female spiders are known to eat males, mistaking them for a tasty snack instead of a suitor. To impress the female (and hopefully not get eaten), the male spiders will catch an insect, wrap it in silk, and present it to their partner. Some of the lazier, or less skillful, males will wrap up twigs instead in hopes the female won’t notice (which is a bold move for a little spider). Wolf spiders also catch a snack for their mate. As it so happens, this occurs at the same time as balloon fly mating. Since male balloon flies are distracted by preparing their nuptial gifts, they make easy targets for wolf spiders. But February is a hard time to find balloon flies, so maybe you can…
5. Vomit for them
It sounds gross, but if your partner is anything like a stilt-legged fly (family Micropezidae), they’ll love it. The stilt-legged fly, or specifically the neotropical Ptilosphen variolatus, is little known forest dweller that feeds on decaying matter. When they’re feeling romantic, the stilt-legged female approaches the male and begins to whack him on the head. The male, either due to love or blunt-force trauma, upchucks a liquid for the female, which the female then eats. After she’s enjoyed this meal, the two mate. Yeah, maybe don’t do this one.
6. Shine like a light
Imagine your significant other’s face when you show up flashing bright blue. Now imagine their face when you’re surrounded by ten thousand others doing the same thing. Such is the love life of some ocean polychaetes (“poly” meaning many; “chaeta” meaning hair). These segmented worms spend most of their life living on the ocean floor. However, when romance strikes, or more accurately the lunar cycle reaches its last quarter, highly specialized segments break off the worms and swim towards the surface in a massive swarm. These modified worms, or epitokes, begin pulsing a bioluminescent blue color to attract mates among the crowd (typically the male’s pulse while females consistently glow). The epitokes can vary drastically from their previous forms, growing modified hairs shaped like paddles and, in some instances, eyes.
Similarly, fireflies (Lampyridae) use bioluminescence to attract mates, although they will not try to teach you how to dance like Owl City suggests (Instead I recommend dance instructions from the jumping spiders mentioned above). Although both polychaetes and fireflies put on impressively beautiful displays, physically glowing for your partner may be difficult (I know what you’re thinking, and no, do not eat glowsticks. It will not work and only make you sick). Luckily, there’s another gift idea almost anyone can do:
7. Give them your (or someone else’s) poop
It’s a bold choice, but for dung beetles the more feces, the better. The infamous beetles are named for their proclivity towards excrement. Although dung beetle species live worldwide, the most widely known species are the rollers. These fecal balls serve as a food source for their broods of young. As a result, female dung beetles are naturally inclined to favor males with more dung. However, jealousy can arise, and fights will break out over mates and excrement (keep this in mind when preparing your own dung ball). Feel this is too impersonal? Why not do what Glomeris marginata, or the European pill millipede, does and give a rounded ball of your own frass (i.e. droppings) as a gift? It’s guaranteed to leave your significant other speechless.
On second thought, maybe these romantic gestures are best left to the invertebrates. Why not just stick to the classics: get them some fair-trade chocolate, curl up on the couch, and put on your favorite nature documentary. Happy Valentine’s Day!
(Note: A deserved honorable mention goes to damselflies that, when mating, form a heart with their abdomens. Although this isn’t exactly a gift idea, it is a truly beautiful display of love from the invertebrate world.)
